Outdoor Plaza To Secede From Lincoln Center And Join Rose Hill Campus Because That’s Where He “Belong[s], Bro”
Fordham Lincoln Center’s Outdoor Plaza has issued a public statement regarding its secession from the campus:
“I am leaving Fordham Lincoln Center and joining the real Fordham campus: Rose Hill. Why? Because that’s where I belong, bro.”
The Outdoor Plaza continued its tirade, swinging its arms, almost harming our reporters, exclaiming that, “You liberal kitty kats can have your concrete jungle in the oh-so-cutesy Upper West Side. Rose Hill is the REAL WORLD! There’s GRASS, and TREES, and COCKROACHES!”
The Fordham administration has issued several statements explaining that “it’s physically impossible for an inanimate park to relocate,” but students remain unconvinced:
“How am I supposed to see those misshapen body statues if they’re at Rose Hill? Do I have to pay for a Ram Van just to get from McMahon to Lowenstein?” questioned Rob Schnaufer (FCLC ‘19).
As it completed its indignant diatribe, the Outdoor Plaza bellowed “I’m done being walked all over by a bunch of shrimpy COMM majors.”
The gazebo thing everybody smokes weed under could not be reached for comment, but, as always, indicated solidarity with the Outdoor Plaza by doing nothing.