Press Secretary Sean Spicer has released a statement saying that the President cannot be held accountable for giving classified intelligence to Russian officials, because Geminis are often prone to being clever fast-talkers.
“You see, Geminis often feel caught in the middle of things, between supportive and challenging energies. The President is simply living out the life that his sun and his ascending have given him,” Spicer said. “While Vanity Fairis a clearly biased publication that often publishes fake news, you cannot deny that this May’s predictions for Gemini signs were spot on for President Trump.”
Michelle Graves, a reporter for the Washington Post, said that Spicer’s comments gave her increased clarity on recent events. “I had noticed that the President was making a lot of decisions that most presidents don’t, but when Spicer explained that his actions were based on an archaic and superstitious means of determining who someone will become in their lives, it made total sense.”
The press conference ended with Spicer predicting that, based on the positions of Venus and Neptune this summer, Americans should keep in mind that Trump will likely become restless and want to take more risks. However, he told them not to worry; the Trump administration is currently taking applications for a peace-loving, mellow Taurus to join his cabinet and dissuade any possible fear.