By Grace Getman
We have a big problem here at Fordham, folks.
Is it the administration’s silence over important social justice issues?
Is it the extremely low quality of food in the dining hall?
Is it the rising tuition amidst middling rankings?
How about none of these.
The greatest problem facing the Fordham community right now is our mascot.
Let’s be real: the Fordham Ram sucks, big time. He’s just some big dope with a couple of horns. We need a cool mascot, one who could steal your girl. A real Chad of a mascot.
To help fix this problem, here is my humble contribution of better mascots. Father McShane, if you’re reading this, jot these down:
#7 Gordon Ram-say
Would put the fear factor in for any rival football team.
#6 Mason Ram-sey, yodeling savant and 11 year old
My yodeling king.
#5 Ram-say Bolton
Some guy on Game of Thrones. I guess he’s neat.
#4 Ramesses II, Pharaoh of Egypt
My Egyptian king.
#3 Dodge Ram Truck
Would go over really well at Rose Hill
#2 Computer RAM
We gotta look towards the future. Fordham may be my school, but RAM is my hard drive.
#1 A Ramp
Simple, clear lines. Very modern. Also ADA compliant.