Exactly Who or What Is Fr. McShane?

By Grace Getman

Fr. McShane, though a huge part of the Fordham University experience, is rarely experienced or even glimpsed by the student body. This has led some to question his physical form and even his existence.

Students have put forward a variety of theories, with wisemen in the plaza vaping mango juul pods floating different beliefs in a mystic haze. The Scriptures of the man, the legend, and the possible myth are being written as we speak.

Monotheism: The doctrine or belief that there is only one Fr. McShane, and he dwells on the 13th floor of Lowenstein.

Atheism: Fr. McShane does not exist and is a myth made to scare naughty freshmen into doing their homework.

Polytheism: There are many Fr. McShanes, and they all want to know what classes you’re taking this semester.

Denzelism: Denzel Washington is playing Fr. McShane in the role of a lifetime. His favorite line?
“You’re a 2 percenter” at any ginger within 50 yards.

Deism: Father McShane exists, but he doesn’t interfere with our mortal lives.

Pantheism: Father McShane is an energy that moves through all living things, coalescing only to serve bacon and make awkward conversation at Midnight Breakfast.

We may never know the truth. You can read the Book when it comes out.

And, maybe, the search never was about finding out who or what Fr. McShane is. Maybe it’s about all the Fr. McShanes we’ve made along the way.

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