Fordham Couples Rejoice! All Staff Members Of Health Center Now Ordained Priests

A common complaint voiced by the student body of Fordham University is that, due to the university’s Jesuit values, there are no free, readily available safer sex resources on campus. Dorm overnight guest policies are also structured so as to discourage sexual activities between heterosexual couples.
Luckily, the university’s board understands that it is unreasonable to expect young adults to abstain from all sexual activity, which is why Fordham University proudly announced, via newsletter sent out on Monday, that all staff members of the health center are now ordained priests. If a student at Fordham wishes to have sex, they now simply have to walk down to the health center with a partner of choice and a trusted witness and, after a short ceremony, the student will be able to have as much sex as he or she chooses, with the complete blessing of the school.
The announcement of this exciting new initiative coincides with the beginning of the construction of a new on-campus day care center.