Freshman Uses Classmate’s Laptop Stickers to Decide if They Can Be Friends

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Now more than a semester into the academic year, FCLC freshman Stacey Jones is still looking for a solid group of friends to hang out with, but she may have finally found a solution to her problem.

​“I mean, everyone here is nice, but no one meets my standards,” she told me recently at Argo Tea. When I asked her if she had considered joining any clubs to find friends, she scoffed. “I want these friendship to be as natural as possible,” she said. “I don’t want to have to rely on this university’s institutions to help me connect with people. I can connect with people on my own perfectly fine.”

A sticker that references The Office is an immediate no. Also ones for alternative and indie rock bands, ones for broadway shows, ones for political causes, ones showing school pride, ones of small dogs or cats, and especially ones with quotes on them. Those ones are the worst.

This desire for a more natural connection with people is what has led Jones to a new approach: using her classmates’ laptop stickers to evaluate whether or not she can be friends with them. “A sticker that references The Office is an immediate no,” she said. “Also ones for alternative and indie rock bands, ones for broadway shows, ones for political causes, ones showing school pride, ones of small dogs or cats, and especially ones with quotes on them,” she said, making a snarl. “Those ones are the worst.”

Stickers that Jones said attracted her interest were ones for philosopher, theologian, and poet Soren Kierkegaard, the endangered saiga antelope native to Kazakhstan, and Dead or Alive’s 1985 smash hit “You Spin Me Round.”

“I know that narrows it down a lot,” she said, “but it helps me find the right people.”
While this new effort has not turned up any possible friends for Jones yet, she is not discouraged.

“It just takes patience,” she said, surveying the chairs by Argo to see if anyone had a laptop out worth considering. “You just gotta keep looking.”