New Ram Statue Already Emotionally Broken by City Life

NEW YORK — On Monday September 18th, Fordham’s Lincoln Center added a ram statue to its Outdoor Plaza. Just two weeks later, the ram already feels a deep brokenness as a city dweller.
“I thought living in the heart of Manhattan would mean experiencing culture, being more productive, and making new interesting friends,” said the ram, “But within 24 hours I was crying on the C Train and being yelled at by a stranger.”
The ram has reportedly already become “bitter beyond belief” and can’t “even begin to explain [its] hatred for Times Square.”
Jacob Hinnant (FCLC ’20) tried to ride the ram, “Some friends and I thought it would be fun to pose on the statue for a picture,” said Jacob, “But the smell was unbearable. It clearly sleeps outside and hasn’t showered in days.”
Students have also complained that the ram howls at night. When confronted about this, the ram responded “I’ve had Dollar Pizza four days in a row and no one will sign me in as an overnight guest. I will howl as loud as I fucking want.”