THE BLEAT
  • Home
  • News
  • The Bystander
  • Cartoons
  • Stove's

Which line from Michael Cohen's letter to Fordham President Father McShane are you?

3/6/2019

 
Picture
Ever wondered what line you are from Michael Cohen's letter to Fordham University President Rev. Joseph M. McShane, S.J.? Pick from the responses below to find out which sentence threatening legal action against the University on behalf of President Donald J. Trump you are!

If you wanted to construct a house, how would you start to construct it?
  1. I’d BUILD A WALL!
  2. Bricks
  3. Bones
  4. Sand
  5. Straw
  6. Gingerbread
How did you do on the SAT?
  1. Good enough to get into your reach school without people realizing you were just a legacy admission.
  2. You got a perfect score but you lost all your friends in the process.
  3. You did fine.
  4. You forgot your super-score because you took it so many times.
  5. You only took the ACT.
  6. You did so bad that your mom is making you take it again.
Pick your fighter:
  1. Jared Kushner
  2. Eric Trump
  3. Ivanka Trump Kushner
  4. Donald Trump Jr.
  5. Tiffany Trump
  6. Barron Trump
Pick a Taylor Swift album:
  1. Red
  2. Fearless
  3. 1989
  4. Speak Now
  5. Reputation
  6. Taylor Swift
Pick a Spider-man from Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse:
  1. Peni Parker and SP//dr
  2. Spider-Ham
  3. Miles Morales
  4. Gwen Stacey
  5. Spider-man Noir
  6. Peter B. Parker
Pick an excuse you’d use for an extension on your essay:
  1. You let your friend plagiarize your essay but you got second thoughts so now you feel bad and need to re-write everything.
  2. I’m going to jail for three years.
  3. I need an extension on my essay. The party led to sleeping and the sleeping led to me oversleeping and me oversleeping led to me not writing my essay on time and me not writing my essay on time led to this very moment.
  4. You don’t have an excuse because you did your essay, as well as three other essays that aren’t due for another month.
  5. Because I want one.
  6. You just think that it can be even better if you have a few more days to work on it and you brought the professor cookies.


    IF YOU GOT MOSTLY 1's:
    "Please be advised that I am Executive Vice President and Special Counsel to Donald J. Trump."

    You’re all of your friends’ ride-or-dies. You would do anything for them, including threaten the university that your friend went to for just two years after they didn’t get into USC film school and before they got into UPenn. You would take a bullet for your friend, and there’s nothing that could ever change that...wait, is that a letter from Congress? Shit! Rat that bitch out!!!

    IF YOU GOT MOSTLY 2's:
    "As I am sure you are aware, pursuant to applicable law, including the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, the release or disclosure, in any form, of such records (or any information contained in such records) to any third party without my client’s prior written authorization is expressly prohibited by law, with any violation thereof exposing the subject educational institution to both criminal and civil liability and damages including, among other things, substantial fines, penalties and even the potential loss of government aid and other funding."
    She wears short skirts, you wear t-shirts, she's cheer captain and you’re on the bleachers. You’re the Michael Cohen of the group, jealous of the attention that Trump has been giving to Father McShane, and eager to take out your rival any way you can. You’re competitive, clever, and you can guarantee everyone that you’ve done more research than any other rat in this quasi-mafia circle. Even you, Michael Calamari!

    IF YOU GOT MOSTLY 3's:
    "The criminality will lead to jail time."

    You’re the logical person of the group who understands consequences. You stay out of the bad shit that comes your way, because you know that one thing always leads to another. There’s no reason for you to get involved with the sneaky shit other people might tolerate, because you’ve seen what can happen when people don’t keep their noses clean. Take that, Mueller!


    IF YOU GOT MOSTLY 4's:
    "I thank you for your cooperation."

    You are the House Oversight Committee of the group. You oversee this house just like U.S. Representative Elijah Cummings (D-MD), but are closer to being the formidable combination of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ayanna Pressley, and Rashida Tlaib. You’re not taking shit from anybody, especially Mark Meadows. You’re invincible!


    IF YOU GOT MOSTLY 5's:
    "Please guide yourself accordingly and contact me to inform me that the records have been permanently sealed."
    You’re the badass, the edgy one of the group. You steal forks from expensive restaurants with no regrets. You’re live fast, die young. You think you’re slicker than the rest — slicker than even Michael Calamari — so here’s to living like movie stars, partying like rock stars, and fucking like porn stars. Party on!

    IF YOU GOT MOSTLY 6's:
    P.S. Mr. Trump truly enjoyed his two years at Fordham and has great respect for the University.
    You’re the mom-friend of the group. Doting, caring, and wants to tell me what to do with my Sociology degree. You have eyes like the sunshine on a spring morning and the birds are singing. You’re a golden retriever, and make sure to dance like no one’s watching whenever possible. You’re Anthony Scaramucci on Celebrity Big Brother. You go!


Comments are closed.

    Archives

    March 2021
    March 2020
    February 2020
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    November 2016

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • News
  • The Bystander
  • Cartoons
  • Stove's